Friends, I’ve been absent from you. I will neither apologize nor make excuses because, well, you probably really don’t care that much.
I’ve been thinking a lot about business things lately, as I mentioned, and wondering about things like online presence and the purpose of this here blog and the difference between my blogging self and my painting self. I think I’ve been thinking about “internet persona.” That’s what it’s called, right? I have two different email addresses (well, more than that really) and two different Twitter accounts, one of each for Happy Sighs and for Betsy Ann Paper. I assume there are those of you who read this blog who couldn’t care less about what I’m painting and selling. And then I figure there are those of you just want to know when to order mother’s day cards, and don’t have any interest at all in baby photos and my opinions.
But each of these, even, is sort of separate from Real Liz. Not different- I like to think I’m genuine online. But there are pieces of me that I choose not to discuss in such a public forum.
It does make me wonder, though. Because, in being online, we have the option of choosing how we present ourselves to the world. We have the choice- the obligation, even- to filter ourselves. I post photos of my coffee and paintbrushes, but not of my sink full of dirty dishes.
I wonder where that line is between being genuine and sharing too much. Between censoring your story to protect your privacy and manipulating how people perceive you.
I wonder both as a woman who is trying to build a business on the internet, and as a person who values building genuine connections- on the internet and otherwise.
Do you think you have an internet “persona”?
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Your Comments | Add a Comment
Apr 25, 2012 11:40 pm
You’ve written about poverty, sexual harassment, feminism and any number of “real” topics here and elsewhere under your real name. I get the sense that you’re very genuine with what you choose to share. I can honestly see you writing about the dirty dishes in order to tell a story or ask a question or make a point. I dont think we have to be 100% honest at all times to be authentic. I also think the burden is on the reader to treat everything with healthy skepticism. No life is perfect. The nightly news isn’t really unbiased either, you know? We have to be intelligent consumers of all media, in every form.
I think you’re nailing it, personally.
Apr 26, 2012 4:23 am
Well put, Rachelle.
And Liz, I was actually just thinking this morning that you hadn’t blogged in a little while. Of course we care! But you’re quite right not to apologise. Blogging should be a gift to the reader, not an obligation on the writer.
Apr 26, 2012 8:13 am
Haha, I was teasing, but thanks. ;)
Apr 26, 2012 8:13 am
Oh, the opinions are the worst! The things you listed? That’s exactly what WILL scare a client away. Like, celebrities, for example. I might love an actor, but then if he says something political and stupid or gets in legal trouble for being an ass, I suddenly have a different perspective of him and his movies (subconscious and unintentional though it may be). So maybe someone is on the verge of buying a huge custom stationery order and then realizes, “Oh, wait. This is that girl who wrote that thing about divorce on APW. Nevermind.”
Apr 26, 2012 9:42 am
That’s where I would ask you if you care about having a personal brand or a brand brand. Obviously you need people to like your product, but are you really okay with having customers who don’t like *you*. Food for thought.
Apr 26, 2012 10:04 am
The “are you really okay with having having customers who don’t like *you*” question is what I was thinking about when I read this. Along with the word facade, which, to me, implies a fake-ness that I don’t feel when I read your words, not just a sheltering of the portions of your life that aren’t pertinent to your business or your blog.
Apr 26, 2012 10:19 am
Ah, but I think the key is that people WON’T be customers if they don’t like a person.
Apr 30, 2012 6:50 pm
But I think you probably net GAIN a shit ton of customers because they actually adore you for you.
Apr 26, 2012 9:45 am
The thing is that having opinions is such a big part of me that I have trouble filtering them from my online presence. I sort of do on my blog because I have lots of opinions about my town I probably shouldn’t air on my very public googleable blog….but on Twitter? I’m going to tell the world what I think.
But then again, I’m someone who respects people for having opinions as long as they’re rational (and liking an actor? that doesn’t have to be particularly rational). I might shy away from buying a custom stationary order from a vendor whose opinion was “all atheists will burn in hell” but a particular stance on divorce, etc is not going to be a deal breaker (unless it is divorcees will burn in hell, of course).
Apr 26, 2012 10:42 am
I, too, am full to the brim with opinions and I don’t much see the need to keep them to myself. In the context of a reasoned and friendly conversation/debate, obviously.
Liz, I haven’t 100% agreed with everything you’ve posted but I have immense respect for your willingness to host those conversations and present your thoughts in a clear and articulate way. I like you MORE because you don’t parade around and purport yourself has having a perfect, charmed little life (artistic, small business owner, hot hubs, adorable child). It would be easier, I think, to do that, but I find your genuineness refreshing.
Apr 26, 2012 8:42 am
This is terribly interesting to me. I agree – an honest and accurate portrait of life is not always a photo-realistic portrait of life. When I shoot doc content for example, I’m often compiling vignettes that won’t all organically happen on the same day, but that might aid with an accurate story. Just one that’s artificially condensed, too. Tit for tat?
Apr 30, 2012 6:52 pm
I think there is a difference between honesty and privacy. I do think we all should have an obligation to be 100% Honest with what we show up with in our writing. But, I also think we each have to offer ourselves real privacy. We can be fully honest with what we are writing, but we have NO obligation to share everything with anyone, let alone the internet.
Apr 26, 2012 8:38 am
This is something I’ve thought about. On some things I think I over-share – I’ll whine about my job search until the cows come home and I’m going to try to stop that because it’s boring. But overall I think I’m usually pretty tight-lipped about myself online. Last month I met an online friend for cocktails and she joked that her husband was worried that a) I might be a man, and b) I might be a serial killer. She tried to reassure him but there are no pictures of me online and I don’t reveal much in the way of details that would convince someone I’m not a serial killer.
So I’m not sure I have an internet persona. It might be an internet lack-of-persona. But I promise I’m not a serial killer!
I think you’ve found a really good balance between being honest and genuine but not oversharing. I am not sure where that line is – maybe it’s different for different people – but I think one important line we shouldn’t cross is sharing things that might embarrass our loved ones, without their permission — specifically things that could easily be traced back to them. And you never do that.
Apr 26, 2012 10:24 pm
You have an internet persona…a likeable one. :)
Apr 26, 2012 10:27 pm
Well, I guess maybe I don’t know exactly what everyone else means by “persona” but I just wanted to say that your likeable (non-serial-killer-like) personality comes through in your writing.
May 2, 2012 8:35 pm
I just saw this — aww, thanks!
Apr 26, 2012 10:46 am
Oh, Liz, you *would* be worried about this – and since you care, you’re one of the few who are (as Rachelle said above) “nailing it.” I know your question is more general, and you aren’t just vying for compliments, but I do want to affirm the sense that you seem quite authentic and sincere. Also, again specifically related to you, my guess is that your online “persona” (via Happy Sighs) only helps with business. I, for example, probably wouldn’t have found or ordered your stationary on Etsy on my own, but I’ve considered it on many occasions since I read your blog.
I think another issue here is accuracy: there’s a desire to paint a totally accurate life-picture to avoid being “fake.” I, too, tweet photos of my coffee but not of my dirty dishes. But it really is my coffee! Nothing faked there. The fact that I am not also tweeting photos of everything else in my house all the time doesn’t exactly mean I’m dishonest; the goal of overall accuracy is, I’d argue, unachievable.
Apr 26, 2012 11:21 am
Spot on with the post as usual, my dear. Do I have an online persona? I suppose we all project a bit of a persona at all times – I’m not sure I even know myself in my entirety, there are certainly occasions when I surprise myself – so maybe. It’s not one that’s deliberately created in order to mislead, and I certainly hope it’s no different from the one I project in real life, but it’s awfully hard to tell just from my internal perspective.
I do think things get more tricky when you also have an online business presence. My professional persona is very like my real self, but some aspects of me are quite guarded, as they well should be. I suppose each person has to draw for themselves the lines they feel comfortable crossing, but I don’t think it’s an issue with an easy answer at all. I love that you have these discussions, though, difficult as they may be.
Apr 26, 2012 12:10 pm
“I’m not sure I even know myself in my entirety, there are certainly occasions when I surprise myself”
Yes- my first thought was, “No, I don’t have an online persona” (i.e. one that is vastly different from who I am in person, consciously created and monitored), but on more thought I think this is closer to the truth for me. Ine one sense, I’m a bundle of personas… even in “real life.” Sometimes the filtering is deliberate, sometimes not.
Apr 26, 2012 11:29 am
I think, whether intentionally or not, we all have different personas for different parts of our lives.
Most people, for example, will keep parts of themselves completely separate from their work life. When I’m spending time with my mom I tend to censor most of the worst sh*t I have going on, because my mother will worry about my life even more than I do. I behave a little differently with different groups of friends, not because I’m trying to be different but because those groups bring out different things in me.
So, I don’t necessarily think that having an online persona or brand is all that different. It exists almost by necessity. Where the difference (to me) lies is that there can be more intentionality in how we present our best selves online. There’s more opportunity to choose and second guess which opinons, facts or elements of our lives we choose to share.
Can our online personas affect other parts of our life? Sure. But it happens with all our other selves too. We run into bosses in social situations that we might not be behaving professionally in, we meet people in one area of our lives who are unexpectedly connected to other areas.
Apr 26, 2012 12:12 pm
This is always such a strange feeling, when these formerly-distinct worlds and personas collide. Felt it a bit at our wedding.
Apr 26, 2012 1:39 pm
I am sure that we all filter to a degree. Human nature and such. We all have a bit of a cast of characters inside us, our “indoor voices” and “outdoor voices” so to speak. Online is funny because it is at once both very private and very public.
I’m really a 40 year old dude who lives with his mother, what of it;)
Apr 26, 2012 6:08 pm
What a great conversation. I definitely agree with what others have said about this being not just an online issue. I think it’s inevitable to have parts of your personality that you don’t want or choose to share with everyone.
I mean, a coworker recently mentioned that she’d pegged me for the Michael Buble area of the musical spectrum. She was quite surprised indeed when I corrected her: Rage Against the Machine, thank you very much. I’d apparently succeeded at presenting myself as professional in an entirely-relatable-to-everyone way. I wasn’t being fake, just careful about what I shared.
Apr 26, 2012 10:29 pm
I think there is a difference between honesty and complete self-disclosure. You can be honest without revealing every aspect of your life. I think that is a healthy thing, especially online. And I think you strike a great balance, but I think it is something each person had to figure out. And maybe how much we want to reveal publicly changes at different times or in different situations?
Apr 30, 2012 6:48 pm
Sorry, late! (Traveling). I don’t have an internet “persona.” But, what I share and what I don’t share have pretty clear boundaries for me, and I don’t share a LOT. My writing online is professional writing, it’s stuff I want to publish for the world to see with my name on it. A lot of the real important life goes on in my journals, or over coffee, or just privately. And that fact is actually, I think, what allows me to share as much as I do. The fact that HUGE HUGE portions of my life are safe and off limits, means I can be fully honest about the stuff I do show up to write about.
If that makes sense.
Love.
May 2, 2012 10:52 am
Hi, Liz. My personal opinion is that if you’re uncomfortable with your persona/online identity, you should change it. Especially when it comes to Little Josh–protect the kiddies!
Speaking of which, here are a couple examples of online-persona-meets-brand that you might want to look at. Two very different examples and “products,” but a marriage of the two nonetheless:
princesslasertron.com
girlsgonechild.net