definition.

by Liz on 05.22

Note: It’s tough to talk about bodies, weight, eating and health in a way that’s, well… healthy.  It seems by entertaining the conversation, one can easily slip into feeding a certain obsessive mania. But at the same time, avoiding such conversations entirely equally allows the shapes of our bodies to leverage too much control. The safest and healthiest way for me to approach the way I look and how I eat is to talk about it a little and then move on, rather than let it consume too much brainspace or try to ignore it completely (which also can become obsessive in its own right).

 

 

I’ve been out of shape lately, something I’ve shared with you before. Josh, too, has been feeling like he’s not in the best shape. We’ve decided to start eating lighter meals and working out a bit. I don’t talk about it much because something like food choice and workout regimen seems to be so divisive. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is passionate about that opinion. For example, as soon as I mention that I haven’t eaten meat for a little while, people begin telling me that cutting meat is unhealthy or isn’t going to do anything for weight loss. It’s fine for us all to have different ideas about how to eat well, whether by controlling portions or counting calories or cutting one food group or eating more of another. But, I don’t want to be stressed out with overwhelming contradictory information about what I *need* to be doing. I just want to feel good about what I put in my body and still enjoy eating.

Josh and I are lucky in that we’re not too far from where we hope to be. As a result, we’re able to take a sort of relaxed approach to getting there. (I obviously reserve the right to change my mind about this if it seems to not work.) But, for now, I plan meals around what sounds healthy and balanced. Not really a solidly defined model, but there it is. If it sounds like it has a lot of butter or sugar or cream or like it might be very heavy or oily, we skip on it for something with lots of fresh veggies. That’s my method for now. Not super scientific, but it’s gotta be better than cheese fries and ice cream and it helps me to try to maintain the focus on being healthy rather than looking good. I haven’t weighed myself since having the baby and I don’t really know what size I wear (I have clothes spanning about four sizes that all fit well). I’m just hoping to start feeling less jiggle as I walk, which is difficult to quantify. So there you have my loose parameters and expectations. A little different than my usual anal retentive, list-making and goal-setting method of getting things done.

The interesting thing about this all has been to observe how differently Josh and I treat it. I’d say we’re both on par, equidistant from our individual goals. We both talk about being healthy and about looking good. But, I internalize the whole thing so much more. It’s as if Josh, aware that his body changes and weight fluxes, is also aware that he can get in shape, just as he got out of shape. He’s hopeful and motivated and ready to get to work. He speaks about his weight as if it’s a short-lived period- a “just for now.” He talks about, “When we get fit again…” as if he can already see that point on the horizon.

I, on the other hand, almost feel defined by how much I weigh and, as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s probably because of how it impacts the way I look. I know I’m not far off, but instead of seeing this point as one stop on a linear progression, I get stuck. I define myself by it. I’m a Fat Girl*. Logically, I’m aware that it’s a matter of inches, just an issue of pounds. But as with many other things, logic doesn’t always have a bearing on how I act and feel.

I’ve been through phases  of realizing that sometimes my self-worth is wrongly impacted by my appearance. That was a hard thing for me to admit. This, while similar, seems different. I’m not finding that I value myself less because I don’t look the way I want to. Instead, it’s as if I define myself in a preemptive defense of what other people are going to think. Put differently, I consider myself a Fat Girl* because I assume that’s what other people will consider me. That when sizing me up, deciding who I am, my entire self will be boiled down to that one characteristic- my weight and, of course, how my weight impacts my appearance.

I wonder if this shows something about how women and their bodies are represented in our culture. It’s interesting that despite having some semblance of introspection and self-awareness, without even realizing it, I feel boxed into a category dependent on how I look. Maybe that’s not just a weight thing- maybe it’s a general female appearance thing (as noted that time I was called a “girl next door”). My husband doesn’t feel boxed into Fat Man versus Hot Man. But it’s also very possible that it’s not gender-related at all. Maybe it’s my self-assigned limitations as a result of my perfectionism. Perhaps I’m too quick to determine if I can do something or can’t, too quick to feel defeated when I don’t succeed on the first try.

No matter the cause for my weird issues, one thing’s clear. From here on out, for my own mental health, I plan to think of my weight as a point on a progression, not a defining box.

 

 

Another note: All of this is my thinking aloud and parsing my own feelings on food, weight, appearance and the interplay of the three. If you’re interested in a good conversation on unhealthy obsession with fitness and the danger of confusing health with beauty, check out this post by Virginia Sole-Smith that I found through Cheaper Than Wisdom’s Twitter feed.

*And yet another: I think we could spend some time having a worthwhile dialogue about what “fat” means and the ethics of using it as a derogatory term. But, for the purpose of this post and hashing out my internal dialogue, I felt it was the most accurate term to convey my self perceptions, unhealthy though they are. Here’s an interesting discussion we’ve had about body image and the words we use to talk about our appearance. The good stuff, as usual, is all in the comments.

you may also like::

  1. cheesesteak-of-life.
  2. pregnant body image.
  3. reading and thinking.

Your Comments | Add a Comment

Zan says:
May 22, 2012 7:34 am

I was actually thinking about this — and you — yesterday as I was babysitting. I was reading the Mom’s copy of “French Kids Eat Everything” and the section on attitudes towards food was really interesting. Food is not a bribe, reward or punishment in France. The author had a thoughtful discussion about how French attitudes towards food (nevermind the actual food preparation or actually eating, just food head-space) were so starkly different from American attitudes.

I thought about you because I remember you saying that you wanted to break those attitudes with little J.

I realize that all this “French Do It Better” literature is really oversimplified and silly in a lot of ways, but as an anthropologist I also think there’s a lot of value in ethnographic writing — the kind of stuff that comes out when you say, “This is what I’m seeing, and the Natives don’t think it is at all unusual or strange, but I do. Why is that?”

When I finish my giant list of Things That Need To Get Done I plan on reading “French Women Don’t Get Fat” to keep up my perusal of French people and food.

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 7:49 am

YES. Food is incredibly emotional for me in ways that I could write about for weeks. I’ll have to see if I can grab that book someplace!

Reply

kathleen says:
May 22, 2012 10:14 am

I’ve totally read it! It’s a great book. A bit condemning of Americans in a few places, but honestly, those bits needed condemning. It’s a great read, and reflects a lot of what you were talking about, Liz, above. Her whole perspective is about balance. If you eat heavily one meal, eat lighter the next, and so on. If you’re going to eat richly, make sure that it’s worth it – food quality should be of paramount importance. You get the gist. Definitely worth picking up!

Reply

lyn says:
May 22, 2012 12:59 pm

Off topic — sorry, Liz — but your mention of “French people and food” made me think of this series on how Americans view the French that I came across yesterday:

http://www.themorningnews.org/article/our-french-connection-part-one
http://www.themorningnews.org/article/our-french-connection-part-two
http://www.themorningnews.org/article/our-french-connection-part-three

Reply

Maggie says:
May 23, 2012 10:25 am

Thanks for posting these links, Lyn! I’m fascinated by this — the way Americans alternately idealize and sneer at the French.

Reply

Rachelle says:
May 22, 2012 7:48 am

I’ve gotten really frustrated with my weight this year and changing my diet has definitely helped. I’ve lost a few pounds, but the things that have made me feel better the most are things like – my workouts getting easier, not being out of breath, my skin clearing up, being more (ahem) regular, feeling proud of making healthy choices instead of guilty about making bad ones.

For me, I have had a lot of success doing a semi-paleo diet versus calorie counting but it’s really just about figuring out what works for you. This is the first time that I’ve told people I’m trying to eat better and I think that actually helps too. I usually hate talking about food and diets with people in real life but it’s helped hold me more accountable. I also make a point to say that I am in no way perfect with how I eat – I try to make it sound doable, because it is. I feel like many people go either extreme (dieting doesn’t work! or I only eat super healthy organic vegan food!) and I’m not sure how helpful that is for the cultural dialogue. I wish it wasn’t so taboo for women to talk about what we eat.

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 9:06 am

Yeah! Taboo, but sort of not. Like, there’s no middle-ground. Either we’re not supposed to talk about it, or if we do, we’re expected to ONLY TALK ABOUT IT. EVER. It can’t just be mentioned in passing the way we discuss the weather or trying out a new hair style.

Reply

Sheryl says:
May 22, 2012 4:33 pm

Feeling the physical changes really is the best part of getting in shape. That moment that you realized you spent an hour on the elliptical and it was comfortable, or that you just added another 10lbs to your weighs and got through it is the most rewarding part.

Reply

Erin says:
May 22, 2012 8:47 am

I do notice a difference between the ways guys deal with being overweight and the way I do, my own man being a good example. He gleefully jumps on the scale every morning and proclaims the number to anyone who’s listening — mostly me. He has such a “can-do” attitude about the whole thing. And he has a lot of success with it. Meanwhile, I pretend to forget I’m supposed to be “working on getting healthy,” and ignore the scale and everything else until I feel more comfortable in my clothes, stronger, etc. Basically, I don’t want to advertise, to myself or anyone else, that I need to do the work. Does that make sense?
But, I’m not sure how much of my attitude is influenced from outside in, and how much is hard-wired. I’ve insulated myself from a lot of body-image-focused media. Don’t watch much television, don’t read many magazines, stay away from celebrity media, etc. And yet, I still have an overexaggerated sense of _____ (whatever it is) about my body, and no clue about why that would be.
Kudos to you for resolving to think clearer about your goals and getting to them. And thanks for opening up the conversation!

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 9:04 am

Interestingly, I have the opposite response. I want EVERYONE to know that I’m aware I’m out of shape. The best example I can think of is when Maddie posted a photo of me at the DC booktalk. I wanted to say, “Hey guys, don’t worry! I see it too! I’m working on it!” As if I could preempt the silent comments somehow?

I hadn’t thought about the rest of what you said, but it’s also mostly true for me. Other than a few select shows, I’m not into TV and I don’t bother with the rest. I hadn’t really considered that I don’t ingest that much media, but I feel impacted by it. Hm.

Reply

Rachelle says:
May 22, 2012 9:37 am

Speaking of the media, what is up with making characters played by super skinny actresses relatable by having them be obsessed with horrible food? I’m thinking of Liz Lemon, the Gilmore Girls, etc. Seems way more damaging to me than showing that (some) skinny girls never eat or work out a ton. I know there are women who can eat crap and stay thin, but it seems like its disproportionately held up as an ideal.

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 9:46 am

Josh and I have talked about the Liz Lemon thing and I think Tina Fey in real life has a gorgeous shape- thin and curvy- but on the show, Liz Lemon is supposed to be sort of dumpy. They continue to write her role that way (obsessed with food included), despite it being clearly not the case. I can’t think of any lines in particular, but I know there’ve been several times where Jack or someone comments on her terrible figure. Meanwhile, Jenna (in my opinion) doesn’t have nearly the cute shape that Liz does, and she’s touted as a sex symbol and dressed in tight, revealing clothing for the purpose of her character.

At least that’s what I’ve decided in that particular case… that Liz isn’t a skinny girl who can eat anything, but that she’s supposed to be frumpy in general. That they’re ignoring actual body types in favor of character development. Am I off?

Reply

Rachelle says:
May 22, 2012 10:10 am

I agree with what you’re saying but here’s the thing – they can cut to Liz looking horrible on an HD camera (with Tina Fey made up to be hairy and covered in moles and wrinkles) but they don’t even try to make her look dumpy most of the time. She wears very cute (though casual) clothes and has a very enviable figure. As you point out, she has just as great a body as Jane/Jenna yet that character puts everything she’s got into her appearance. It just strikes me as very disingenuous on a show I otherwise love. Compared with the weight chapters in Bossypants, it just seems like a very mainstream attitude when they push the envelope on so many other things. It literally never occurred to me until I read Bossypants that Tina might have to actually work to look how she looks and that’s kind of crazy considering I’m not that naïve when it comes to most actresses.

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 3:47 pm

What’s interesting is that every time I’ve talked about the Liz/Jenna thing being an example of women being boxed in by appearance, it’s been in a very different way! Liz (who is, I think, the more attractive of the two) is brunette, has glasses and wears cardigans, so she’s The Frumpy One. Jenna is blonde, tan and wears deep-V’s, so she’s The Hot One.

Of course, I realize it’s meant to be Tina-Playing-Tina, so appearance may NOT play into the roles as much as it might on other shows.

Regardless, hadn’t thought of it the way you and Erin are discussing!

Reply

Erin says:
May 22, 2012 9:56 am

I think it’s one of those easy, off-the-shelf character quirks that are easy for writers to write. It’s also a go-to comment from lots of models and actresses, supposed to be self-deprecating, but really unbelievable. I’d much rather see more imagination in character development, and more honesty and ownership of hard work for people whose bodies are also part of their jobs.

Reply

Savychacha says:
May 22, 2012 10:33 am

I think you make a good point about how you and your husband seem to deal with the “weight/out of shape” issue in such opposite ways. I think men are just hard wired to think about their weight as a part of who they are, not who they are in general. I’m sure this isn’t true for all men, but my husband deals with his weight in a totally different way than I do. He has stayed the same weight for the past 3 years or so. He goes up a few pounds, then drops a few pounds. He works out regularly and is pretty muscular, but has a bit of a belly. When his weight goes past a certain point he deems it his “fat boy” weight. Then he pays more attention to what he’s eating and he drops a few pounds and feels good again. It’s just a much simpler issue for him it seems.

I on the other hand was ashamed of myself for a long time. I knew I was over weight, and tried not to let it define me, but no matter how confident I felt at times, being referred to as a “big girl” always hurt. Even when it was in the form of a compliment. When I decided that I wanted to start eating better I held it all in. I didn’t talk about it to anyone except my husband. I felt like if I talked about it then I was owning up to the fact that I was a “fat girl” (and at 267lbs, I would consider that actual “fat girl” parameters).

In the last 2 years I have lost 80lbs and feel great. I feel like once I got started on my healthy journey it became alot easier to talk about it. Like once I mentally dedicated myself to changing, I wasn’t so ashamed to talk about the fact that I was doing it. Now I eat pretty much paleo, and lift weights, but that’s what makes me feel good. It’s taken a long time to find out what works (and sticks) for me.

I think that as women our emotions are such a huge part of who we are that sometimes it gets hard to look at ourselves without being overly critical. We know logically that we shouldn’t let a few pounds affect our view of ourself, but sometimes it’s hard. Ugh.

Making a change, even the small one’s, are always a step in the right direction. Especially since I find that once you start taking steps in the direction you want to go, you usually start feeling better about yourself in general. Good luck on your journey to being a healthier you. I wish you the best!

Reply

Emily says:
May 22, 2012 11:10 am

“I think men are just hard wired to think about their weight as a part of who they are, not who they are in general.”

So interesting! I agree; the media (with its whole over-sexualized, objectifying male-gaze) creates an environment in which a woman IS her appearance, though a man can be defined by many characteristics. Maybe that’s why many men don’t feel as overwhelmed by attempts at changing their bodies; without their self-worth and value all wrapped up in one thing, less is at stake.

Reply

Liz F says:
May 22, 2012 11:38 am

THIS. THIS. THIS.

This society is so throughly and toxicly anti-woman. Even without watching a lot of TV or consuming a lot of media we get constant feedback that women have no thoughts, feelings or opinions independent of being pleasing to men.

I think that’s what makes it so hard to talk about weight in a healthy way. It’s really hard to convince most people that you have your head on straight and really just want to be able to use your body more comfortably. A lot has been said about Americans dysfunctional relationship with food, I also think we have a dysfunctional relationship with movement. A lot of the activities I enjoy on the weekend (biking, walking, yoga) are exercise but they are also an opportunity to relax a bit or be outside. They are pleasurable. I want to keep my body in good shape so I can continue to enjoy life.

Reply

Erin says:
May 22, 2012 12:03 pm

Yes, dysfunctional relationship to movement! It’s cast so often as all or nothing, superstar athlete, gym-rat or couch potato. There’s a spectrum that includes taking walks after dinner, strolling through the woods, biking to the store. They don’t have to be labeled exercise, but promote a healthier state of mind!

Reply

kathleen says:
May 22, 2012 10:48 am

“No matter the cause for my weird issues, one thing’s clear. From here on out, for my own mental health, I plan to think of my weight as a point on a progression, not a defining box.”

I LOVE this. I’m guilty of constantly thinking of my ideal weight as a static figure; an unattainable goal. But it’s not that at all. I’ve noticed that I tend to be emotional about my body’s current status when I’m having a particularly “fat” day (you know what I’m talking about – when you just FEEL dumpy and not yourself). Other days, it doesn’t register on my radar. It’s bizarre. However, my eating habits are erratic at best, so I started keeping a rudimentary food journal 2 days ago merely for the purpose of seeing trends in my eating and to make small adjustments (example: if I’m eating bread at every meal, how many sweets I’m eating, etc). Hopefully, this will spur some changes and cause those dips in my self esteem to diminish. The end goal being feeling overall healthful.

Ya know?

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 11:27 am

YES. I do know. My perception of my weight has less to do with how much I ACTUALLY weigh, and more to do with I slept in so I feel frumpy and these pants are unflattering so I look wide. Advance meal planning has helped me in the same way as your food diary. I can look ahead at my week and see that there’s lots of starch but no green and adjust, etc. Let me know how your journal works out!!

Reply

nikki says:
May 22, 2012 11:05 am

I hate that this is so hard to talk about, but it really is. I don’t want to use the word “competitive” but I feel like that fits the best with most of the ladies in my life. For example, when my 4’11, 100 lb. sister-in-law says she’s trying to lose weight, I have this involuntary moment of panic where I think “but she’s SO small! she must think I’m a whale!”

But at the same time, my best friend seems to experience that same feeling whenever I talk about working out (or if I order a salad when she orders a cheeseburger) and I hate that because I’m certainly not judging her dinner choice. I think she’s gorgeous! I’m never thinking these nasty, judgemental thoughts I always assume others are thinking about me. I have to remind myself that my body is not in a competition. And whether I have a muffin top or not, I’m the only one who cares and is affected by it.

Reply

Emily says:
May 22, 2012 11:21 am

So true! I pretty much only notice good things about other women – but I still always assume that other women are only thinking critical things about me.

And I wish the “good things” would just be appreciative, not competitive. Sometimes my observations are of the “jeez, I wish I had her arms!” variety instead of the “wow, she’s got gorgeous hair!” variety.

I want to like other women’s bodies without jumping to comparison, and I want mine to be liked without anyone else feeling insecure.

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 11:31 am

It’s very very true. I always turn a harsher eye on myself and then project those thoughts on others, assume they’re thinking those terrible things about me, too.

One thing that’s helped me *slightly* shift from “I wish I had…” to, “Good for her! Go on girl,” is to actually say those things aloud to people. Like, compliment the woman in the grocery line on her great hair (as long as it’s not super creepy, haha). Actually saying that stuff helps me to think that way first, rather than immediately think, “I must look like a homeless whale next to this woman.”

Reply

liz says:
May 22, 2012 11:35 am

I have the salad vs cheeseburger issue, too. Because of some weird interactions, I’m really aware of what I eat and how it will make people around me feel- in a really not healthy, paranoid sort of way. If I’m the smallest at the table and I’m eating a salad while they have cheeseburgers, I feel terrible. But if I’m the smallest at the table and I’m eating a cheeseburger while they have salads, I feel terrible. Basically, I’m a messed up individual with lots of food issues, haha.

Reply

Maggie says:
May 23, 2012 10:28 am

I have this same issue w/food and eating with others and not knowing whether to order a cheeseburger or a salad–and why can’t I just order what I WANT, and not worry about how it’ll make other people feel/think?! It doesn’t help that I’ve had co-workers and friends giving me crap about how much/how little/what/when/how fast I eat for years… it was esp. bad in my old workplace.

Reply

liz says:
May 23, 2012 10:30 am

That’s exactly where my weird paranoia has come from. From people around me saying, “A salad AGAIN? You’re going to waste away,” or, “Ugh I look like such a pig next to you,” or, “It must be nice to eat whatever you want.”

Reply

tamerajane says:
May 23, 2012 12:08 pm

we had to stop a co-worker (the skinniest person i know, and she eats like crazy – possibly the first time i have seen this in the wild, for real) from TAKING OLD BACON FAT OFF ANOTHER PERSONS PLATE AT LUNCH. we usually let her have our leftovers, but we drew the line.

there are definitely days when i dont have the self esteem to eat with her. :/

Reply

lyn says:
May 23, 2012 12:35 am

You know, I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that talked about the impact of the media on women’s attitudes towards their physical appearance, and a guy — at first I thought he was a troll, but he was genuinely curious — said that he thought blaming the media was an easy out and that (I’m paraphrasing here) if you have people around you that love you, you should be able to pull your self-esteem up out of the muck and shut out all the negative noise and just focus on yourself and your needs. And I had a moment where I was like, is he right? I feel like it’s not that easy for women; by virtue of society it CAN’T be that easy, but I didn’t know how to back it up. How do you prove personal experience?

But I still believe that bodies are often shameful for women because our self-worth and value is so easily wrapped up in our appearances — whether by society’s influence, the media’s influence, or our own warped minds. It’s difficult to put exact parameters on it, and I do believe it’s ultimately our responsibility to take charge of our own state of mind. Talking about it is so fraught, but I feel like the more we push through the easier it will get — thanks for tackling it head-on.

I like your take — viewing goals as a point on the horizon; a plane along which we’re gliding. I spent too long in various boxes, I don’t ever wanna go back there again.

Reply

liz says:
May 23, 2012 10:16 am

I think that’s a fair assertion for adult ladies. That’s what we need to do, right? Suck it up, ignore the Vogue covers, and remind ourselves why we’re actually valuable and wonderful (and even beautiful).

But by the time you reach, say, 26 years old and can effectively recognize when you’re feeling like crud and parse out why, being impacted by weird external forces is already a habit. That ish starts YOUNG. And when you’re 11 years old and trying to steal mom’s lipstick and feel inadequate because you don’t yet have boobs, I don’t think you have the capacity to do that yet. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” but when you’re young, you don’t even know how to give consent, or withhold it.

Reply

Jo says:
May 23, 2012 10:18 am

Thanks for the thoughts, Liz! I like hearing other people’s processes. :)

Reply

tamerajane says:
May 23, 2012 12:07 pm

General swirl of thinkings:

1. my husband brings me the fuck down, fitness wise. before marriage, i biked, i walked, i rock climbed – he is the most inactive person EVER and I need to force him to do shit, and he literally CANNOT bike or rock climb. so, it’s tennis from here on out, and making some active friends.

2. as i’ve gotten older, it’s just hard. every time i hit my new “fattest ever” point i’m like GOTTA CHANGE and then my shoulders hurt and my sinuses act up and it’s like “fuck i’m soooo olllddd” – need to get past the pain of starting to get fit.

3. I HAVE to get on a scale every morning. knowing that I’m going to see a number the next day keeps me from cramming chocolate in my face.

4. now i’m all hungry

Reply

Beth says:
May 23, 2012 12:29 pm

These talks about body image are everywhere! Which means I can’t quit thinking about it…

I remember never being bothered by my body in high school and my first year of college. I was sort of baby-fat style chubby but it never bothered me. I was an incorrigible flirt and never believed that my lack of boyfriend was due to how my body looked but because they were intimidated by my sparkling intellect (and maybe my height).

As a sophomore, I started out sharing size 6-8 clothes with my roommate. She was tall and we were of similar builds and it was FUN! (Especially since she was from New York and had a sense of style that still eludes me to this day.) And then she developed an eating disorder (mostly bulemic but also severely food restrictive). After listening to her criticize her body, complain that her clothes fit me better (of course they did because they FIT me), lose a bunch of weight, and eating meals with her, I started looking at myself differently. It didn’t make me drop the pudge, it just made me more critical of what I looked like.

And it’s never gone away. After dropping a significant amount of weight (because I WASN’T healthy and couldn’t keep up on hikes with Forrest), I still deeply consider my meals, my activity level, and how my clothes fit. If you ask me how I think I look, I’ll very honestly tell you that I think I look GREAT but deep down I’m afraid that I’ll lose that and won’t be considered pretty or attractive.

I’m not sure how to fix it. Because for me, being fit is part of enabling me to do things I love and that make me happy (I get to be a grumpy bitch when I stick to my love of reading and don’t go outside), so I struggle not to be fixated on it and to find the balance between fit and obsession with thin.

Reply

kc says:
May 23, 2012 1:47 pm

Lots of thoughts swirling.

I sometimes look back on my younger self and think if only I were that size/weight again I’d be happy but the truth is, when I was that younger self I was still dissatisfied with my body. The past few months I’ve been trying harder to focus on fitness goals (like not feeling like I’m going to die mid way through 30 day shred) instead of size or weight goals. That stuff is still there, though, when I try on clothes or reach for a pair of jeans that don’t quite fit like they used to.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: