My sister visited this weekend.
Actually, I bribed my sister into visiting this weekend.
We had a bunch of grown-up parties to attend and my diaper bag doesn’t coordinate with my going-out clothes. That was a JOKE, guys, I just really didn’t want to drag a toddler to a bunch of parties. My friends are really awesome about my kid, since I’m the first of us to pop one out. They’re sure to always tack on a, “Bring Little Josh, too!” which is really thoughtful of them. But sometimes it’s nice to sit in a restaurant without pushing all of the silverware to the one side of the table, or to sip a cocktail without needing to say, “No, this is a mommy drink.” Also, my apologetic smile doesn’t match my going-out clothes.
So, my sister came home and served as live-in nanny for the weekend, and in exchange she was blessed with my presence. We went on a Shopping Spree, which really just meant wandering the mall in indecisive consideration of every single item we passed while sweatily gripping a stack of giftcards.
All of that indecision makes a gal hungry, so we stopped for lunch and to rest our weary shopping limbs. We dined at a fine establishment with plastic booths and paper placemats. A Zagat rating and Michelin Star it did not have. We ordered our burgers and fries and something with a silly face on it for Little J, and tried to quell our grumbling bellies with giant glasses of Sprite and gossip about our friends from high school.
And then more giant glasses of Sprite and gossip about our friends from college.
Forty-five minutes later, we’ve exhausted our gossipping possibilities (really rough for us) and poor Little J is just about climbing out of his booster, threatening to become That Kid -the one screaming in the restaurant and flinging silverware at passersby.
Then- finally then- our food arrived.
Well, not really “our” food, since the order was wrong.
And not only wrong, not only forty-five minutes after ordering, but our food was ice cold.
I gave my sister a look and her eyes grew wide. “No, Liz. It’s okay. Let’s just eat it.”
But how she could know what I was thinking, I have no idea, because never in my life would I imagine I’d be That Lady-the one demanding to speak to the manager and refusing to pay. Never in my five years of waitressing, not in my twenty-seven years of being a “nice person.”
Somewhere down the line, I inched over from, “No, it’s fine, really,” to “I’m sorry, can you fix this?” and I’m not quite sure when that change happened. Have I grown persnickety in my old age? Maybe an inner mama-bear didn’t want my child eating a cold burger, regardless of silly face? Or maybe at some point I realized that being nice doesn’t necessarily mean taking crap.
I guess I’ve always felt that way logically, but in practical terms, it hasn’t translated to every area of life. My go-to standard for adult interaction is “kind and honest.” But, there’s something uncomfortable about someone working for you, serving you, bringing you something, while you’re in the position of receiving it and saying, “Not good enough.” Am I the only one with this problem?
Despite all that, while my embarrassed sister piled our bags back into the stroller, I pulled the waitress aside. I smiled and quietly explained that I’m sorry, but we’ve been waiting a long time and our food is cold, so we’ll be going somewhere else, but I’d like to pay for my drinks if possible. Should I speak to a manager to explain the situation so there isn’t a problem? I don’t want to cause trouble.
The waitress was kind and apologetic. The manager was equally so (although possibly high?), and we scurried away to find something else for our increasingly ravenous tummies.
And it was basically a non-event.
Not non-event enough that I wouldn’t blog about it, clearly. But, enough to make me pause with a, “Huh. That wasn’t so bad.” Maybe it’s not as hard as I thought to be “kind and honest” in situations where someone is serving you without being “demanding and belligerent.” Do adults do this stuff all the time? It ain’t no thing? At what point do you stop sucking it up and instead say, “No no. This won’t do”?
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Sep 6, 2012 11:05 am
Being an ex-server means I’m a great customer. But it also means I know what’s not acceptable, and what is reasonable to ask of my experience. And I always genuinely preferred when I was waiting tables that customers were frank but friendly about things, rather than endure something silently then tweet/complain to their friends about how the service at Klimpy’s (or whatever) sucks.
Sep 6, 2012 11:39 am
Disclaimer: I’ve never worked in food service but I did spend many years of my life working in luxury niche retail.
You handled that perfectly. You explained yourself and gave them the opportunity to make it right while not sacrificing your comfort or parting with hard earned cash for an inferior product. That is a completely reasonable thing to do.
I loved customers that calmly and patiently explained a problem. It made me *want* to help them. I wanted them to get what they wanted and paid good money for.
Sep 6, 2012 12:00 pm
Wow, you handled that so well. I hate that sort of thing and (perhaps as a result) I’m not very good at it, but I think your response was so perfect. Polite and reasonable, but not taking any crap. Go you!
Sep 6, 2012 12:29 pm
My parents were good at politely drawing the line when service or food was unacceptable. When I was a kid I thought it was kind of embarrassing, but as an adult I’m way more sympathetic to not wanting to plunk down hard-earned cash after you’ve waited 45 minutes only to be brought the wrong food.
I’m still learning to stick up for myself the way they did. A few months ago, out with a group of my husband’s friends, my dinner was absolutely awful — seriously one of the worst things I’ve ever put in my mouth. It was like eating a salt lick. It also arrived about 20 minutes after everyone else got their food and was lukewarm. I took two bites and couldn’t get any more down. When the waiter *finally* came back to check on us, I politely explained that the dish was inedible. He apologized and took it off the bill.
But then I wussed out. When the check came, everyone wanted to split the bill evenly, so I ended up paying $30 plus tip for a glass of wine and went away so hungry I was ready to cry. I wish I’d spoken up for myself and explained that I hadn’t gotten anything to eat, but I just wanted to get out of there SO badly.
Apparently I’m good at politely explaining my unhappiness to waiters, but bad at politely refusing to pay my husband’s colleagues.
Sep 6, 2012 1:06 pm
Oof, husband’s colleagues are understandably intimidating! I don’t fault you for that.
Sep 6, 2012 1:17 pm
That is RIDICULOUS and extremely rude of them. There’s no way you should have paid that, and they shouldn’t have insisted – I’m sure some of them noticed!
Sep 6, 2012 1:30 pm
That’s what I was thinking, too! That maybe the person beside you could’ve said, “Oh, guys! She didn’t eat! Put your money away, you’re not paying.”
Sep 6, 2012 1:46 pm
Hey, that had never occurred to me! I even asked to see the bill, explaining that I wanted to make sure my awful dinner had been taken off! I am so mentioning that to my husband the next time I beg out of one of those horrible dinners.
Sep 6, 2012 1:35 pm
Outlandish that they made you pay! Splitting the bill is one thing but it should only be split between people that *actually* ate.
Sep 6, 2012 1:39 pm
This does totally reinforce whey, at the age of 17, I appointed myself as Chief Check Divider. I am too cheap to pay for another couple’s $65 bottle of wine and I’m not ashamed.
While everyone else is chatting and finishing their meal I just tally up everyone’s total, including tax but minus tip, and let everyone know what they owe. Everyone is always thankful and I walk away satisfied that everyone paid their fair share.
Sep 6, 2012 4:49 pm
I’m just glad you TALKED to somebody. I have friends who maintain that the tip should reflect their entire restaurant experience, and I’m always secretly throwing more cash on the table after everyone leaves because, like in your situation, it’s not usually the server’s fault. And leaving a horrible tip doesn’t make a point or cause self-evaluation, it just makes your server aware that you are a cheap butthead
Sep 7, 2012 11:09 am
As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to speak up and not take crap. This becomes harder in the workplace though, with politics and all, and unfortunately I learned this the hard way. Also, you can go to Yelp and be demanding and belligerent in your review of that establishment’s service, or lack-thereof! :)
Sep 10, 2012 4:56 pm
As someone who works in customer service currently, I have to say your approach is one of the best. Letting your servicepeople know that there’s an issue and being super polite about it will almost always get you some sort of appropriate resolution.