I’ve been short of breath lately.
Not literal, actual, breath but at times, it’s sort of felt that way.
I don’t have ideas. I don’t have energy. I don’t have things to write about on this blog, and even when I’m given a prompt on other writing spaces, I struggle to string multiple words together into sentences that make sense (let alone are poignant or insightful). Things that normally come naturally, suddenly feel impossible.
I squashed this project, back-burnered that, and sheepishly requested a week off from another. I took a few days away from work and internet- normally the cure for this sort of creative roadblock. I napped and walked and read. But instead of feeling newly energized, I continued to feel… blank.
And then Josh got a job.
And oddly, a cloud lifted. I wake up in the morning, and have things to say and ideas to paint.
I didn’t actually know that cloud was there til it wasn’t. It’s been awhile since I’ve been consciously worried about our situation- that’s what’s odd about it all. I’ve been content. I know people talk about hard times inspiring the best creation, but, it hasn’t really been a “hard time.” Not in the volatile, emotional, chaotic sense. It’s just been… distracting. It’s like the pressure of making sure the bills get paid was choking any other thoughts, creativity, inspiration. I didn’t even realize it.
And now that pressure isn’t there. And I can wake up in the morning, think about other things, and not feel like I’m irresponsible or unproductive for having a single thought that wasn’t geared toward alleviating that financial burden.
ANYWAY. That’s all. Even though I wasn’t aware of that cloud hanging over me at the time, it feels like it’s dissipated. And I’m glad to be back.